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Film Review: "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones"

"The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones"
Directed by Harald Zwart

Starring Lily Collins Jamie Campbell Bower, Kevin Zegers, Jemima West, Robert Sheehan, Robert Maillet, Lena Headey, Jared Harris, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Aidan Turner
Action, Adventure, Drama
130 Mins
PG-13

 
Going to see The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones is like getting a filing from a dentist whose supply of Novocaine has run dry. It's a painful eternity of an experience that hacks and saws at our entertainment-guzzling sensibilities, defying each and every lesson culled from filmmaking 101 and spewing formula like a film-school-dropout on Ipecac. The "talent" both in front of and behind the camera is so raw-dogged and askew that it almost seeks to redefine "so bad, it's good". Needless to say, it misses that mark by a long shot and winds up in its own realm entirely, almost unknowingly. The result is strangely akin to watching a child play in a turd-peppered litter box, mistaking it for the sandbox he knows and loves, helpless to clue the poor thing in on its brown-handed error. 

You may find yourself laughing aloud at the twisted excuse for a story as it fumbles over and over but it feels like laughing at a cat chasing after a laser pointer. You feel the cat's pain and its confusion as it bounds around searching for direction, tragically confuzzled when it comes up empty-handed time and time again, but when all is said and done, you're thinking to yourself, "What a dumb cat." In this regard, director Harald Zwart is much like a dumb cat.

Read more: Film Review: "The Mortal...

August '13 Digital Week III

Blu-rays of the Week

Cavalcade
(Fox)
Noel Coward’s play about a British family living through the first three decades of the 20th century was turned into an entertaining epic by director Frank Lloyd, enough to win 1933’s Best Picture Oscar.
 
The intelligent performances of Clive Brook and Diana Wynyard as the Marryots, who live through the horrors of the Boer War and World War I (and historical events like the sinking of the Titanic) keep the expansive drama from becoming too unwieldy. The Blu-ray image looks impressive for an 80-year-old film; extras include critic Richard Schickel’s commentary and a brief glimpse of its Oscar win.
 
The Damned
(Cohen Media)
Rene Clément’s tense 1947 drama about a submarine with Nazis escaping Europe for South America at the end of WWII, claustrophobically set within the sub’s confines, has a tense situation that never relies on Hollywood touches like excessive melodramatics or overbearing music.
 
The superlative French and German-speaking cast, led by Henri Vidal, makes Clement’s taut film even more engrossing. The Blu-ray image looks great; lone extra is a terrific hour-long documentary, Rene Clement or the Cinema of Sketches.
 
The Devil’s Backbone 
 and Seconds 
(Criterion Collection)












Unlike Carlos Saura’s films, Guillermo Del Toro’s Devil’s Backbone—a 2001 Spanish Civil War allegory—is a clunky, unsatisfying blend of horrific reality and terrorizing monsters; John Frankenheimer’s 1967 Seconds embodies Vietnam era paranoia, even if its story—about a man who buys himself a new life—is Twilight Zone lite, with little of the wit or economy of the classic TV series.
 
Both films have fantastic Criterion transfers; Devil extras include a Del Toro commentary, intro and interviews, making-of featurette and deleted scenes; Seconds extras include Frankenheimer’s commentary and interview, star Rock Hudson and fan Alec Baldwin interviews, and retrospective featurette.
 
The House of Seven Corpses
(Synapse)
In this clever variation on the haunted house movie, a crew shoots a horror film in an old mansion with a history of mysterious murders; one by one, performers and filmmakers are offed grotesquely.
 
It’s essentially tongue-in-cheek trash—and the appearance of zombies at the end ruins the gothic mood—but Paul Harrison’s 1974 film is still fun. The grainy Blu-ray image adds atmosphere; extras include actor John Carradine interview and associate producer Gary Kent commentary.
 
The Muppet Movie
(Disney)
The Muppets’ first flick—which begat sequels like The Great Muppet Caper and delightful Muppet Christmas Carol—was made at the peak of their popularity (1979), when The Muppet Show was the hippest thing on TV.
 
That coolness shows in the roster of guest stars like Mel Brooks, Steve Martin, Milton Berle and Bob Hope, all one-upped by Kermit, Miss Piggy and my favorites—Statler and Waldorf, the grouchy, sarcastic old men. The Blu-ray image looks good; extras include a Kermit featurette.
 
Once Upon a Time—Complete 2nd Season
(ABC)
Merging fairy-tale characters and 21st century civilians seemed like a good idea for a new series, but how does the gimmick keep going during the second season without becoming old-hat? The creators don’t entire solve this problem: the combination of soap opera and fantasy that worked during the first season ends up weirder but less entertaining.
 
In such a format, even charming performers like Lana Parrilla and Jennifer Morrison can’t escape their restrictive shells. The Blu-ray image looks tremendous; extras include a behind-the-scenes featurette, deleted scenes, bloopers and commentaries.
 
Shane
(Warners)
George Stevens’ iconic 1953 western stars Alan Ladd as the eponymous gunslinger who arrives in a small town to assist a homesteader against a ruthless cattle baron and his scary hired gun. If Stevens’ direction is stilted at times, the story and characters’ simplicity has ensured that it remains a landmark Hollywood western.
 
Warners’ hi-def transfer gives Loyal Griggs’ Oscar-winning cinematography the color and detail it’s longed lacked on video; the lone extra is George Stevens Jr.’s informative commentary.
 
DVDs of the Week
The Company You Keep
(Sony)
In this occasionally gripping political thriller, director Robert Redford plays a former radical whose “new” life as a single father and lawyer is blown with the arrest of one of his compatriots for a murder 40+ years earlier.
 
Despite its by-the-numbers plot and mixed bag of performers (Shia LaBeouf is too slight as the crusading journalist—he even pronounces “Albany” incorrectly—while vets Redford, Julie Christie and Susan Sarandon score), Redford and screenwriter Lem Dobbs have made a rare intelligent American movie. Extras include a making-of featurette, interviews and press conference.
 
Paradise—Love
(Strand)
The first film in Austrian director Ulrich Seidl’s trilogy, Love follows a 50-year-old mother of a teenage daughter who vacations in Kenya to have sex with local black men: while the sex-tourist angle isn’t condescendingly dramatized, there’s also none of the insight of Frenchman Laurent Cantet’s Heading South.
 
Seidl unflinchingly shows the simultaneous exploitation of tourists and natives, so this stridently anti-romantic film never becomes sentimental. What that bodes for the rest of his trilogy is anyone’s guess.
 
Robert Williams—Mr. Bitchin’
(Cinema Libre)
Underground artist Robert Williams might be best known to mainstream audiences for his painting Appetite for Destruction, which became the controversial cover of Guns’n’Roses’ smash debut; Mary C. Reese’s impressively offhand documentary doesn’t dwell on it, instead putting it in the context of Williams’ long career.
 
Williams himself comes off fairly engaging in interviews, and Reese smartly balances biographical info for those unfamiliar with him and details for Williams’ fans.
 
Southland—Complete Final Season
(Warners)
In its fifth season, this L.A. cop series has a gritty look as it displays the dirty work other shows don’t, but some of the writing—especially when showing the personal lives of the men and women who deal with violent individuals daily—is clichéd and lazy.
 
Still, the solid acting makes the flawed show a watchable look at flawed people trying to protect society. All ten episodes of the final season are included; extras comprise deleted scenes and a making-of featurette.

NYC Theater Roundup: “Let It Be," "First Date," "Harbor"

Let It Be
Songs by the Beatles; directed by John Maher
Performances began July 16, 2013

 

 
First Date
Music and lyrics by Alan Zachary and Michael Weiner; book by Austin Winsberg
Directed by Bill Berry
Performances began July 9, 2013

 

Harbor
Written by Chad Beguelin; directed by Mark Lamos
Performances through September 8, 2013

 

In an entertainment world full of endless recycling, it’s no surprise some new stage shows are simply pale shadows of what we’ve seen before. Let It Be, the latest Beatles tribute show, follows the tried and true formula on Broadway in 1977 (Beatlemania) and in 2010 (Rain); the Broadway musical First Date and off-Broadway play Harbor feel like sitcoms that go beyond TV’s 30-minute constraints to their detriment.
 
"John Lennon" in Let It Be (photo: Chad Batka)
 

The Beatles are a cash cow that keeps on giving, especially among baby boomers, so it’s a no-brainer to bring another Beatles tribute show to Broadway, following the success of Rain three years ago. Let It Be hits all the audience-pleasing notes that its predecessors did: note-perfect recreations of beloved classics from “I Saw Her Standing There” to the title tune, and passable recreations of the Fab Four’s constantly changing look from early-era suits to Sgt. Pepper psychedelia to a last lap of long hair and beards.
 
It all goes down easily enough—and the eager audience gratefully laps it up—but there’s a stunning lack of originality, as several segments from Rain are aped: selections from the era’s TV shows and commercials are shown on screens in the theater, a semi-acoustic set that includes selections from Rubber Soul is played, and even a fake Jimi Hendrix is heard in a snippet of the real Hendrix’s cover of Bob Dylan’s “All Along the Watchtower.”
 
But very little of this will matter to anyone who plunks down their money, and in the end, it shouldn’t. Proficient musicians—several veterans of Rain or other Beatles tribute groups—play dozens of songs in just over two hours, and the show climaxes with the group’s ultimate audience participation song, “Hey Jude.” That the real Paul McCartney is still touring and playing many of these same songs at age 71 is obviously no impediment to Let It Be’s success, although personally I would rather hear Sir Paul himself lead an audience in a corny “nah nah nah” sing-along than these faceless imitators.
 
Rodriguez and Levi in First Date (photo: Joan Marcus)
 
If you enjoy undercooked Broadway musicals, then First Date is for you. This slight one-acter (90 minutes, stretched perilously thin) plays out a couple’s blind date in real time, and if that doesn’t sound like much, obviously its creators thought the same. So we get diversionary tactics throughout, as Aaron and Casey—meeting in a sparsely-populated Manhattan bar—are accosted by his ex-GF Allison and best friend Gabe, and her sister Lauren and ex-BFs of her own, along with an annoying waiter and other permutations of the show’s supporting cast.
 
The jokes are plentiful but only fitfully funny in Austin Winsberg’s book, which comprises so many one-liners that, if they were taken out of the show, there wouldn’t be much conversation left. Winsberg also desperately tries to make this pair fully-formed, so Aaron is given a mournful moment about his dead mother and Casey’s gruff exterior armor is gradually chipped away.
 
Director Bill Berry’s swift pace helps, since the clunkier moments—Casey’s gay friend Reggie, who continuously calls to help her end a bad date, gets three “Bailout” interludes, and Aaron’s clichéd Jewish family carries on, Fiddler on the Roof-style, in reaction to a possible shiksa girlfriend—come and go quickly, happily. If Alan Zachary and Michael Weiner’s lyrics alternate cleverness with insipidness, their tunes are pretty much routine pop, with the exception of “I’d Order Love,” the waiter’s old-fashioned showstopper.
 
Making First Date palatable are its charming leads Zachary Levi and Krysta Rodriguez, who transcend the stereotypical nerd and hipster they are forced to play through force of sheer personality. They can also sing: Rodriguez especially has a set of powerful pipes, but never overdoes it a la American Idol. If First Date is mostly disposable, Levi and Rodriguez are anything but.
 
The cast of Harbor (photo: Carol Rosegg)
 

Harbor
playwright Chad Beguelin spends a lot of time trying to make his characters—irresponsible (and pregnant) single mom Donna, her wise-beyond-her-teen-years daughter Lottie, Donna’s immature gay brother Kevin and his husband, architect Ted—so wittily with-it that every comment tumbling out of their mouths is a fully formed epigram or, failing that, a wisecrack. In that, the play shares a lot with many current movies and TV sitcoms in which everyone is improbably smart and cutting with every line of dialogue. The trouble is, it sacrifices plausibility and sympathy for crass humor (“Fag Harbor,” Donna sneers when arriving at Kevin’s beautiful Sag Harbor home).
 
Beguelin’s plot—homeless Donna and Lottie show up on Kevin and Ted’s doorstep in their beaten-up van, and misunderstandings and would-be hilarity ensue—is an excuse to throw these people together and have them toss zingers at one another while they dissect Donna and Kevin’s long-dormant relationship. Director Mark Lamos’ spirited cast keeps a spiffy pace, but with an intermission and running time of two-plus hours, the already slim comedy becomes stretched out of all proportion to its meager rewards.
 

Let It Be

St. James Theatre, 246 West 44th Street, New York, NY

http://letitbebroadway.com

First Date

Longacre Theatre, 220 West 48th Street, New York, NY

http://firstdatethemusical.com

Harbor

59 E 59 Theaters, 59 East 59th Street, New York, NY

http://primarystages.org


Film Review: "Prince Avalanche"

"Prince Avalanche" 
Directed by David Gordon Green
Starring Paul Rudd, Emile Hirsh, Lance LeGault, Joyce Payne
Comedy, Drama
94 Mins
R
 
Prince Avalanche starts slow, aims lows and won't make any dough. It's a pretentious channeling of Terrence Malick, infected with self-importance and devoid of any meaning. Attempts to pull an "Emperor's New Clothes" gag, Green's film openly mocks you if you don't "get it". But it's clear, there is nothing to get here, little to take away and zero to cherish. The equivalent of an imitation Jackson Pollock, this is a festering pile of trash wrapped up with fancy names and presented as craft. From the childish performances to the wandering story, and all along the gimmicky art-house road, this is a bad movie that made me jealous of the people storming out in the middle of it.

To get a grasp on what exactly makes Prince Avalanche so bad, first comprehend what it could have been. The combination of director David Gordon Green (Pineapple Express), Paul Rudd and Emile Hirsch screams comedy gold. Even the trailer presented this as a quirky comedy about two offbeat guys doing goofy things - nothing could be more misleading.

Read more: Film Review: "Prince Avalanche"

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